Step 1: See a children’s movie. As I’ve noted, I’m on my honeymoon. What better way to start the first official day away from the responsibilities of adulthood than to see a movie aimed at people decades younger than yourself? We picked How to Train Your Dragon 2.

I might have cried. Twice. But that’s not required for step 1. Or any of the other steps.

*clears throat*

how to train your dragon 2

Step 2: Continue the escape from adulthood by going to a toy store. The kind made for CHILDREN.

toysrus

Step 3: Get overly excited when you see toys from your recently viewed movie. Convince your spouse that it is okay to spend $5.99 on a tiny toy egg for the chance you’ll hatch your own Night Fury. Be prepared for negotiations. You may have to allow said spouse to do something like buy a Halo toy in exchange.

Dragon box

Step 4: Read the directions on how hatch the egg. Note that they say to remove wrap and put the egg in water.

Directions

Step 5: Remove egg from the packaging, and then again from the plastic lining around it, because you’re an adult and you’re smart and stuff and can handle following some simple directions. Temporarily feel like Hagrid. Except that Hagrid bought his egg illegally. And hatched it in fire. And it’s the completely wrong fantasy reference.

Step 5 is rough.

egg and water

Step 6: Confidently drop your egg in the water, fully expecting a dragon to emerge from the depths of your super deep scary bowl at any time and become your best friend.

blue egg in water

Step 7: Begin to worry about the lack of exciting action. Wait for your significant other to point out that the blue stuff on the egg is probably supposed to be removed. Angrily grab the box and note that it only says to remove one wrap, not two. Feel inadequate and secretly blame your parents for not buying you more awesome toys as a kid.

Go back to feeling inadequate and unwrap the toy. Again.

DSCN0008

Step 8: Quickly forget your shame as you admire the immediate chemical reaction. Be sure to protect your hatching dragon from any nearby predators looking to make sure they remain dominant.

predator

Step 9: Reveal your newly hatched friend!

Night furyyyyy

Step 10: Continue to feel like Hagrid for at least 10 more minutes. Convince yourself that you absolutely needed another small toy in your home. Because it’s AWESOME.

/end

 

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