Like a lot of people, I spent a large portion of Memorial Day weekend in a vehicle.

A lot.

I couldn’t help noticing all of the stick families on the backs of people’s cars. I had expected people to be over them by now. Maybe they are, but they’re too lazy to pull off the stickers. I’m not sure. The way I see it, if the stickers make them happy, then I’m happy for them. They just won’t be on the back of my car.

On the off chance you don’t know what stickers I mean, here’s an idea of one:


Okay, I may have gone a little over the top with the words.

In addition to the standard family, I saw a bunch of goofy decals: A dinosaur eating a stick family, Star Wars figures (with Luke and Leia as the parents – I was a little disturbed), military themed figures (very appropriate for the weekend) and all sorts of others.

One was missing.

car lonely dude

If someone had this, this sad, lonely guy, on the back of their car, I would want to be that person’s best friend.

Of course, then that would ruin the whole thing, because lonely guy would have a crazy girl waving in the distance:

car lonely dude with friend

Look, it’s me! With fancy hair and everything!

Actually, better yet, I want to see this person:

car happy dude

I’d love the see the single figure, happily haunting the back of the car. Who needs to show off kids when you’ve got a fun gold crown?

So what about my family? I think I’ll go design a figure of two cats giving orders to humans and frame it in our living room. That’ll show the world who we are.

Now I’m going to go reflect on how depressingly accurate that statement was. Maybe this is why I don’t have a stick figure family on my car…

kitty family